You might be the kind of person who does not stay friends with their exes and the sudden texting might throw you off guard. Several reasons exes may contact you are below. Press J to jump to the feed. Would this be considered bredacrumbing or did he just want to check how I was? Besides, you have no way of knowing whether your ex will be forthcoming and candid in their response. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". Ive written about the signs that your ex secretly wants you back and what really happens when they do but Ive neglected a little fuzzy grey area. He mentioned catching up and I respectfully declined, immediately established the limit. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. A year and a half is a long time to not speak to an ex. It creates so much confusion because your ex's actions are conflicting. However to say a rocky marriage would be an understatement. It could also just be curiosity which I understand to a certain extent I guess. Maybe they are still holding grudges against you and decided this is the right time to serve the cold dish of revenge. 2 Take a moment to work through how you feel before replying. So, they are back to mess with your head, bring back all the memories, and stomp your progress in the healing process. Some of our newly rediscovered friendships may very well pick back up and grow in their meaning in your lives, as theyll reflect the shared experience of the pandemic anxiety and fallout that is happening as the friendship is heating back up. When you first start dating, it's normal for him to only text when you're making plans together. Im not sure if Im doing the right thing. After no contact doesn't mean that your ex reaches out after 30, 35, 60, or any number of days. This helps us in two different ways. Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time and its important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back. If you had a deep friendship backing up the passionate side of your relationship, they can feel like you are still a soft place to fall, emotionally. If youre looking to get them back, your imagination must be running wild. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. I understand someone might just want a quick chat. Yes, I reached out to my first love. Thats why he or she breaks the rules of no contact that he or she has been following religiously and gives you some of your power back. For a person who has been dumped in a relationship, no contact offers that much-required time and space for healing. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Despite going on several dates after breaking up with their ex-partner, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with. When the call, email, ortext messagecomes, dont feel that you need to be polite. Many years have passed since you were together, so naturally, youve matured and changed quite a bit. After reading his message im not sure if I should reply. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. They could, and that one little text has the power to turn your life upside down. So first things first, discern what your ex wants from you and secondly, what you can gain from your ex. Different people have different norms around contact and friendship over time and after a relationship ends. "You can't compare the person who you experienced a first or early love with to someone who you've had a deep abiding love with for many years through the course of a . When people are experiencing anxiety and fear about their health and well-being, and uncertainty has become the weather and the climate," they often want to make amends with people from their pasts. Similar to blaming, Paul says anger is a sign that they have not moved on, which tracks with the grief stage of a breakup. I told him I am married now. What do you intend to do now that your ex contacted you? Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. She has grown up and matured a lot in this time, as have I. Youll set your own pace and see if your ex agrees. And this isn't just a one year anomaly either. 10 reasons why exes reach out after months of silence 1) They didn't process the breakup after it happened To you, the relationship might feel like old news. He sent me another not long after, again I read it and deleted it. His entire purpose was to find out truth from me. When reuniting, theyve matured and understand what it takes to make a relationship work. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. Im guessing shes trying to do something to clear her conscience. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You. Do exes come back after leaving for someone else? For context: I broke up with my 1st boyfriend who I dated for 5 years about 10 years ago. My advice is to not get distracted by what your ex says too much and instead look at the things your ex asks or expects from you. Yeah - no. They broke up in 2007 because Prince William thought he was too young to be in such a serious relationship and wanted to enjoy his youth. Its . . Thanks for replying, I figured it probably was. When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. If the relationship was abusive, its not advised for your physical and mental safety to get back with your ex. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? If you have a partner, think of them as well. We were together for about 5 years until she broke it off. Perhaps they dont have the energy to get to know another person from scratch, to reach the level of ease and intimacy that you shared. They do whatever it takes to reconnect with an ex because their ex can make them feel better. But they do that only if they still have some respect for their ex, if they see that their ex has grown significantly in their absence, or if they get hurt. I'd done something he considered cheating. Here Are 16 Coping Tips, The 4 Bases In Relationships That We Unanimously Agree On. Three words: Manage your expectations. On the contrary, what if your ex got dumped and just wanted to check in on you? I do not want to interrupt her life now and do not want to reopen any wounds. When we experience a sense of danger or face threats, most of us immediately are driven to seek out our support network members. Go away. You are right that there probably isn't a deeper meaning t9 it. If you were in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do when your ex reaches out is not to respond. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I think he feels very alone in life right now and he reached out because he saw I was connected to his sister on social media. Your mental peace certainly comes before they rant to you about their workload and unmet marital fulfillment. But years later, they realize they could have worked their way through their problems and that breaking up was a mistake. It takes more energyemotional and physicalto make a phone call or video call than it does to send a text or "like" a social media post. Nevertheless, when an ex contacts you years later, this is what it means. Dont make up stories when your partner asks you, Why would an ex contact you years later? Be honest and tell them the truth about what your ex has texted you. A sapiosexual, pizza-loving cinephile. Three times in ten years sounds just like he wants some (very minimal) contact with someone who he spent five years of his life with. I tried so much to get her to stay but ended up hurting myself really badly in the process as she was my first so I really wanted it to work. I help over 1 million men a year radically transform their lives for the better after being dumped. I got a message on Linkedin today andI'm so confused (the message said I came up in their feed I don't even know how that's possible we live in opposite side of the world, work in different industries and don't share contacts)? Once you give in to the temptation and reply to their message, you might be left utterly confused about their motivation for texting you. 4. I didnt reach out to an ex-partner but I reached out to an ex-friend. So, be a good human being and talk about it to your partner. Any normal ex would respect the life youve built for yourself and keep it moving. If you still have feelings for your ex, that doesnt mean you should talk to your ex and get your hopes up. ). I think my ex will never contact me after years later. It was two years since the end of the relationship this September and I feel like I have wasted two years of my lifetime. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. They're angry with you. Your ex might be a changed person more decency, less infidelity. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If your relationship ending with your ex has left you in a therapists room, it is wiser to leave the ex in the past. They Want A Shoulder To Cry On If you catch yourself spiraling a little, it's OK.. Naturally, it can make your exes come back when you stop caring. Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. Such dumpers often get nostalgic, hurt, and depressed so they contact an ex they used to be close to and come running back faster than greased lightning. I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). (I mean, obviously, right?) But other times, a conversation with your ex can also provide your ex with an opportunity to: When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend contacts you years later, your ex finally gets over the anger, disgust, contempt, or suffocation caused by unhealthy perceptions and becomes okay with talking with you. Your ex wasnt committed to coming back. There is no pretentious behavior, and they are comfortable with each other. That passed quickly anyway. So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. On the contrary, the partner who initiated this breakup would get a reality check. Each relationship has its own unique conclusion. I've never really had the desire to reach back into the past, but I have to say it's been nice to remember how different I was when I was young and laugh at myself. We welcome the Reddit community to elicit opinions on a variety of matters from our community of women ages 30 and up. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a2a4ca169ddda5052d135fd7416bc0e6" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? With the help of consultant psychologist Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), who is a gender and relationship management expert, lets figure out what you can do to cope with this mysterious text your ex has sent. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. I dont want to bring up the passed too, rather move forward for the sake of everyone involved. But at the same time, youre curious as to why they are reaching out. Say, you have been applying the no-contact rule after the breakup, be it a mutual decision or one-sided. I have no idea what to do. If they agree, set the date and meet up with them. Yes, it is very common for exes to get back together years later. Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. But for that to happen, your ex has to suffer and change his or her opinion of you. I know ex wanted me back at first, but I didn't want that. They want to hear it from you directly. ), I reached out 1-2 weeks ago (2-years later), got no response. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. One conversation leads to two, two leads to three, and before you know it, youre arranging to Netflix and chill.. Some couples break up in the heat of the moment for ridiculous reasons. later: 1. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. If youre feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed by your ex contacting you, speak to a trusted friend or family member. When you receive a text or call from an ex years after the breakup, the very first thing you must do is learn why your ex reached out to you. They could have seen something on social media and became unable to stop thinking about you. He has to now find a job in stead. QueasyAllday 1 yr. ago ouch TX_Farmer I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. So, you spent three sleepless nights wondering about their true intention behind a simple Hi. CNBC recently reported that 80% of active fund managers are falling behind the major indexes. When you reach out to a former friend from a place of support and no expectations others than to share a moment of connection, it can leave a lasting feeling of positive connection and appreciation for that persons having been there earlier in your life and when you reached back out in this period of uncertainty. For many adults, that can fuel the attraction to Facebook friends from high school daysthey remind us of a time when we were more self-assured than we might be now, more carefree, and probably with a greater sense of agency in our lives. What to do if an ex contacts you after years isnt the easiest thing to decide. hat would hurt him? You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. Good emotional support is tough to come by out there in the cold, dark dating world. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. I understand why one might feel this way to be honest. My ex contacted me after about 3 years of no contact. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. In fact, it can help minimize our own sense of anxiety. Someone in their life could have randomly brought you up in conversation. So if youre figuring out what to do if an ex contacts you after years, the first thing you should do is figure out how well you have healed., Talking about how texts from her ex ended up wreaking havoc in her life, Rebecca, a teacher from Michigan, shares, My ex got married but still contacts me and my current partner couldnt be angrier about it. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. To handle an ex coming back with dignity, you should ponder on all the probable scenarios to stay a step ahead of them. Now shes unblocked me and sent me messages saying shes moved and wants to tell me something or speak to me about something but I personally dont feel ready to talk as I dont want to be put back into that same place I was mentally. No one says you need to entertain them. What role are they going to play? When an ex contacts you years later, make sure you dont actively try to turn it into a guilt trip for them. I think that she would really appreciate hearing that and she deserves it. And if everything else fails, go with your gut feeling when an ex contacts you suddenly. And this epiphany has the power to escalate the steps of your ex coming back more rapidly than you thought. If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. When were scared, we long for the familiar, and right now, many of us are afraid or concerned in ways that we havent been before ever in our lives.